Painting Miniatures 5: Washing and Dipping

a. Advantages and Disadvantages

In general, a wash is a layer of transparent color painted over a base color scheme.  The wash tends to accumulate in deep areas, creases, and pits; and so the transparent color accumulates and therefore looks darker in these dark areas.  This effect simulates shadows, or body hair, or dirt, and can effectively highlight protruding areas.

You can simulate the effect of a wash using pre-colored varnish from the hardware store; this is referred to as "The Minwax Dip Method" because of Minwax's very convenient line of "Polyshades" colored varnishes available.  Expert miniature painters consider this to be cheating, and you will not win awards with the Minwax treatment; but if you're just trying to make something look nice on the table for game night, then who cares?  Minwax polyurethane varnish provides the added benefit that it is an extremely durable finish, and will protect your paint job (and miniature) better than spray lacquer alone.

b. Washes

In theory, you can create a wash by taking some dark paint, then adding a paint additive known as a 'flow reducer' to it (try this on the palette, not in a bottle), which should cause the paint particles to drop out of their suspension, and therefore settle in creases on the model.

In practice, I have never gotten this to work well with paint.  I used a dark dark red to create a wash for a monster, but the wash didn't settle too well, and it just looked like the monster was covered with rivulets of dark gore.  It's an interesting look (creepy as heck!), and I just decided to go with it rather than repaint the whole thing, but it isn't really what I was hoping for.  Adding a bad wash at the end could mean that you need to repaint the whole model all over again.

You can also buy ready-made washes, but they're hard to find.  I don't have experience with these.

Many experts do something similar 'by hand' and without flow reducer; they dilute some dark paint tremendously with water (again, on the palette) and only paint a very light amount (almost dry-brush it) into the creased areas which they want to darken.  Then they let that dry, and repeat the process several times.  Each individual application is nearly invisible, but the color slowly accumulates.  This can be very effective, but it is also very time-consuming, painting those areas over and over and over again.

c. Dipping

Once your players defeat the giant spider, they are not going to be so thrilled fighting an identical giant spider; you will want refreshing new monsters for the next session, and that means more miniatures.  I admire the talented artists who create stunningly realistic color and shade effects on the tiny models we have; but I also run the game, and I have lots of jobs to do in order to prepare for game day.  I use the Minwax dip method a lot, and it helps me finish lots and lots of miniatures in my very limited spare time.  I realize it's a cheap shortcut, but it's a sacrifice in quality and craftsmanship I'm willing to make at this point in my life.

I mentioned before that the popular choice for this is the Minwax Polyshades line.  Polyshades is especially convenient because it is available in small half-pint cans (no need to buy the big quart can).  I will eventually want the surface of the miniature to have a completely flat non-shiny surface, so I use Satin finish varnish rather than Gloss; with the thin layer I paint on, it usually winds up shiny anyway.  The color recommended most often for this is "Antique Walnut," which adds a brown color that works very well with skin tones.  But for robots, subterranean monsters, and numerous undead creatures, I use the dark gray color provided by "Tudor;" be forewarned that Tudor can drain a lot of vividness from your paint scheme.  Do not use "Black," because it's like dipping your miniature in tar; no light nor color will escape.

I put my miniatures on little wooden disc bases; the disc is sized to the character's "personal space" for combat purposes, and I think the wood material looks a little classier than a black plastic base.  I used to get these laser-cut discs from Gale Force Nine, but Gale Foce Nine stopped selling them, and now I have to get them from craft suppliers.  Fortunately, 1-inch, 2-inch, 3-inch, and 1/2-inch laser-cut plywood discs are not too difficult to find from craft suppliers.  I bring this up now because it makes sense to attach the wooden disc before you varnish the miniature; the varnish enhances the appearance of the wood, as you might expect (the varnish is intended for wooden surfaces, after all).  I gently but firmly pop the miniature off the pedestal.  I attach the miniature to the wooden disc base using cyanoacrylate glue (I discussed cyanoacrylate glue in "Assembling" above).  Then I glue the miniature's new wooden disc base back onto the pedestal with the Duco cement (also discussed in "Assembling").

Dipping is where that working pedestal really comes in handy, because you do not want to touch the wet varnish, even if you're wearing painting gloves.  The pedestal also eliminates the concern of where to put your miniature while the varnish dries: on the pedestal, the varnish will not stick the miniature to another surface, nor will the varnish pool and leave a "wafer" of dry varnish attached to your base; the pedestal keeps the miniature suspended, so the miniature dries virtually in mid-air.

Although they call it "dipping," most people who do the "Minwax dip" do not actually submerge their miniature in varnish.  Instead, they brush the varnish on.  Me, I usually submerge the miniature and brush the excess varnish off.  Again, it's all about the time savings.

Minwax polyurethane varnish is oil-based, and very difficult to clean out of brushes, even if you use the toxic and volatile solvents required.  I use another shortcut with the brushes when dipping: I don't even try to clean it out of the brush.  For the dip stage, I use extremely cheap kids' watercolor-style synthetic-bristle plasic-handle paintbrushes, and when I'm done putting the Minwax on a batch of miniatures, I throw the cheap brush away rather than trying to clean it.  Yes, it's wasteful, but comparing the time required to clean out the brush, considering the toxic and flammable solvents, and the limited benefits of cleaning out the brush (that brush is never going to be as good as when you pulled it out of the box), I don't feel so bad tossing out a twenty-five-cent plastic brush; if I use that brush to varnish 12 miniatures in a batch, the cost of that brush amortizes down to about two cents per miniature.

Painting Miniatures 4: Painting

This is the fun part: literally playing with color.  But wait; first we need to get our stuff ready.

a. Equipment

Back when I was painting polystyrene model airplanes, I would use Testors oil-based enamels.  Today most people paint miniatures with water-based acrylic paints.  Your painting equipment (brushes, palette, water jar, etc.) will reflect the nature of your paints.

Obviously you will need brushes.  You should be able to find these at your friendly local gaming store (FLGS), or you may be able to find these at an art supply store.  You will want some range of brushes.  Your largest brush will probably be a zero (0) size brush, and you will want some smaller brushes, until you can paint the tiny dot of color that is the colored part of a miniature warrior's eye (I use a 20/0 size brush).

You will need a small water container to rinse off your brushes.  An old (clean) squat salsa jar should work fine.

I use an old "coaster" CD for a paint palette.  When I'm done, I can rinse it and use steel wool or a scrub pad to scrape off any dried paint.

You will want an absorbent rag to soak up excess paint and pull dirty water out of your brushes.  I use a ragged t-shirt.

Back in Assembling, I told you about using a polyethylene drop cloth to catch drops of glue.  You want to use that when painting, to catch drops of paint.

Good lighting is extremely helpful.  I recommend a nice bright full-spectrum or daylight-type desk lamp; I got a cheap swing-arm desk lamp with a daylight-type compact fluorescent bulb, and it works pretty well for me.

Having a thick pin (like a T-pin or a hat pin) is helpful if your paint gets clogged in a squeeze-bottle nozzle; you can poke the clog open with the pin.  DO NOT try to squeeze the paint harder and harder through the clogged nozzle, or it will squirt all over and the paint may be water-based, but WATER WILL NOT GET IT ALL OUT.

Finally, wear clothes that you don't mind accidentally squirting paint on.  Yes, I know you'll be careful, but don't tempt fate.

b. Paints

Miniatures paints are quite different from other acrylic or latex paints.  Miniatures paints are typically very highly pigmented opaque paints with a very thin (non-viscous) body, unlike the comparatively viscous latex paints you use to paint your walls, or the creamy acrylic paints you use to paint your canvas.

Miniatures paints will either come in little squeeze bottles to squeeze paint out of, or little jars to dip brushes into.  I mix colors a lot on the palette, so I prefer the squeeze bottles, which keep me from contaminating my paint containers with whatever's on my brush.

I generally prefer Acrylicos Vallejo paints, either the Model Color or Game Color lines; they come in the squeeze bottles in a wide range of colors, including both bright hues and subdued shades.  Many other professional miniature painters also use Acrylicos Vallejo paints.

I have also started experimenting with Reaper's Master Series Paints, because they gave me some for free.  They seem okay so far.

c. Colors

Miniatures paints aren't cheap, so you probably can't afford to get the entire 200-color line of paints made by any particular paint manufacturer.  You have to pick and choose.

If you're just going to get your feet wet (so to speak; don't paint your feet) with a small number of miniatures, you can probably just get the colors you will need for those miniatures; so if you have an olive-green troll, a gray frost wolf, and a bright orange fire elemental, you can get just those colors (plus eye colors, accessory colors (does the troll have a brown wooden club?) and other shade-variations to make the monster look more realistic (maybe the frost wolf has a black nose and a white underbelly)) and you're done.

If you're planning to embark on a journey of painting miniatures, consider going the Crayola-box route and get a basic assortment:
The primary and secondary colors: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet.
Black, white, and a medium brown.

It is also really helpful to have certain colors for fantasy miniatures:
At least one skin tone (appropriate to the kind of people are you painting miniatures of).
At least one "dirt".
A steely metal paint for weapons and armor.
If you paint more than one skeleton, some kind of bone color.
Some kind of wood-tone tan.

The familiar rule of thumb is that if you use more than 3 colors per miniature, you're overdoing it.  That may be appropriate for certain monsters (like lions, tigers, and bears), but let's imagine a typical armed warrior miniature for a moment:
The warrior will have some skin exposed; even if this warrior is dressed for winter, it will likely have an exposed face.  That means at least one color for skin tone.
The warrior is armed; maybe with a bow, maybe with a sword, maybe wood, maybe metal.  Whatever it is, that's another color.
The warrior is clothed; maybe cloth, maybe suede, maybe animal hide.  Whatever it is, that's at least 1 more color, for a total of 3 colors.
But what of the warrior's hair?  That's one more color.  What about the warrior's accessories, like a belt, boots, a pack, etc.?  That's at least one more color.  What about eyes?  That could be another color.  And then there's the ground the warrior is standing on.

d. Mixing colors

With this theoretical paint color wheel, combining two colors from the edge creates a muted color somewhere between the points inside the circle, not a vibrant color on the edge.  

Mixing colors can be a challenge, because some colors are just more potent on the palette than others:
White is usually pretty reliable; but black can often swallow up any other color you mix with it.
Red, orange, and green are also usually very potent; mix something with red, and you just get a variation of red; and so on with orange and green.  Some of this may be psychological, but some of this may be due to the nature of the chemical pigments involved, and the nature of transparent and opaque color.
If you have a bright primary red paint, but you want a subtle red color, you can mix the two colors adjacent to red on the color wheel (orange and violet) for a more muted and perhaps fashionable red.  And so on with the other colors; of course blue and yellow make green, but maybe blue paint and yellow paint mix to create a different green than your straight-out-of-the-paint-bottle green.  Consider the (theoretical) paint color wheel; at the center is gray, and if you mix colors from the edges, you don't follow the edge of the circle, you generally draw a straight line through some of the grayish interior.

e. Technique

With the warrior, his exposed skin was the deepest area; with the swarm of beetles at the bottom left, it was the dirt underneath the beetles.  With the lions, I went for an all-over fur color.

The general rule for painting is to paint the deepest (most difficult to isolate) areas first, then to put down subsequent layers until you get to the extremities.

Closeup of the warrior and lioness

Following this general rule, and using our warrior example above (in Colors), the deepest area will be the skin, so we start with the skin tone.  Then we see that our warrior has a long coat over some trousers, with trousers tucked into boots; working from deepest layers outward, let's paint trousers, then boots and accessories, then the long coat.  The warrior's long hair drapes over the clothes, so now we paint the hair.  Finally, we paint the warrior's weapon.  And now I notice that I didn't color the warrior's eyes; but I have a really thin brush for painting tiny dots for eyes.

For animals and naturalistic monsters, I usually lay down a base color, and layer general shades, and finally work on details like eyes, teeth, claws, etc.

f. Skin Tones

I've never seen a dragon, so I can't tell what looks like an abnormal color on a dragon.  I've seen lots of orange cats, and I know that the orange color on a cat is very unlike the orange color on a tangerine, but I wouldn't be too disturbed to see a tangerine-orange paint job on a cat miniature.  However, human skin tones are another matter.

Skin tones may be your biggest challenge, because we look at skin all the time, and it is a survival advantage to know what abnormal skin looks like: if someone looks pale, flushed, inflamed, jaundiced, bruised, nauseated, ashen, unshaved, dirty, scarred, etc., we notice it.  Trying to add diversity by adjusting a basic "peach" skin tone to look just a little Mediterranean (or Asian, or anything else) can be tricky, but very rewarding.  Practice, practice, practice!  Consider different paints to mix in.  Study reference images and compare your results to the effect you wanted to achieve.

g. Dry-Brushing

"Dry-brush" is a popular technique where you remove almost all the paint from the brush, and brush what's left onto a specific area.  Try to imagine removing dust using a damp sponge: you want just enough moisture to pick up the dust, without having so much moisture to leave a puddle.  It creates a translucent effect kind of like shading with pastel or charcoal.  This technique is most used with highlights (very effective with hair), burn marks, and other small shaded areas.

h. Washes

If you do choose to use a wash, this will change the appearance of the underlying colors.  Generally, a dark wash will make underlying colors appear darker.  Also, For example, a orange-brown wash will "fight" with an underlying purple or blue, causing it to look more reddish or even grayish.  A dark gray wash can almost drain the color out of your paint job.  Accordingly, if you plan to use an all-over wash, prepare by making your underlying colors brighter and more vibrant than you intend them to look when they are finished.

Anton's Rich and Spicy Tofu Pumpkin Pie

Thanksgiving is soon upon us, and Pumpkin Pie is my favorite Thanksgiving tradition.  It's my favorite pie.  It's easy to make (even easier with pre-made store-bought crusts), and it's a simple task to make it vegan.  Experienced vegetarians are familiar with the silken tofu pumpkin pie, but I found the base recipe too light; I added almond butter to give the custard a richer taste and sensation, and the pie was a hit.  I like spices, so this recipe is heavy on the spices; if it's too spicy for you, you can probably cut the spices in half and have a reasonably flavorful pumpkin pie.

Ingredients:

1 9-inch pie shell
1 16 oz. can of pumpkin
1 10 oz. package of silken tofu
1/2 c. almond butter
1 1/4 c. unrefined (vegan-friendly) sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
3 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. cloves
1/2 tsp. allspice

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 425°F.
Set aside the pie shell.
Whip all the other ingredients together until the tofu is broken into a creamy consistency.
Pour into the pie shell.
Bake at 425°F for 15 minutes.
Then, bake at 350°F for 40 minutes.
Serve cool.

Painting Miniatures 3: Priming

Primer provides an interface between your miniature and your paint.  The primer should adhere to your miniature, be thin enough to reveal the model's detail, and allow the water-based paint to cover the surface without "beading" into droplets and rolling off the miniature like water off a car windshield.

Supposedly Reaper's vinyl miniatures can be painted without primer, if you use Reaper's special paint line.  I counter that "can be painted" is not the same as "can be painted easily and well."  Please don't skip the primer, even if you only use Reaper's vinyl miniatures and their special line of paints.

a. What color primer

Primer color is a matter of strong debate among miniature painters.  Lots of colors are available from lots of spray paint manufacturers, but the most popular are white, black, and clear.

I originally used black primer.  I reasoned that I would be painting the surface of the model, and if the tight corners were still black, then they would resemble shadows.  However, I discovered that my paint did not lend itself to just brushing the surface; quite the opposite, the paint wanted to pool into the tight corners via capillary action.  The liquid paint tended to pull away from high pointy areas due to gravity and surface tension, and went thin there; the dark primer showed through, making my miniature heroes look like they just rolled around a greasy auto garage floor (or maybe a blacksmith's shop, in a fantasy setting).  The only way to combat this was to apply multiple coats of the same color to the same area, and that's inefficient and frustrating.

An actual apple, demonstrating real-world lighting effects on natural objects.

I then switched to white primer.  Suddenly, the paint allowing the pale primer to show through at pointy areas near the top of the model mimicked the effects of specular highlighting (tops of things generally appear paler because they are usually lit from above).  The paint pooling in dark areas suddenly made a lot more visual sense.  The white primer also made it easier to see fine details on the slightly translucent vinyl models.  I've been using white primer ever since.

Clear primer is appropriate where you want the color or translucency of the model to show through.  Clear primer is a special case, and I plan to cover this in a future article.

b. Brands

I recommend "Skull White" spray primer from Games Workshop; their website might list it as "White Spray," and the "Skull White" name must be just to make it sound spooky and cool, because it certainly is not the off-white dark ivory color of actual bones.  Compared to hardware store spray paint, "Skull White" is very expensive, but (unlike off-the-shelf flat white) it is specially formulated to accept water-based paint.

c. Applying

Apply spray primer in a well-ventilated area.  I'm not kidding about this; there are very toxic solvents and other poisonous chemicals in quality spray primer.  At the same time, don't do it outside, where wind will blow your spray all over.  Your garage is a good place, but don't let the spray cloud come anywhere near your car; the particles of spray will slowly accumulate on the surface of your car, like dust you can't wash off.

You can help limit the spray cloud and reduce wind hazards by setting up an old cardboard box as an inexpensive "spray chamber."

Make sure you get the undersides and interiors of the model and all angles you want to paint.  The working pedestal I described previously can help with this, by allowing you to tilt the miniature by its pedestal.

Metal and vinyl miniatures after priming

The white vinyl miniatures present a challenge when applying white primer, because the white vinyl and white primer are so similar in color that it's hard to know whether you've covered all the angles.

Decent lighting can help you inspect your priming job.  You can probably find 100W clamp lights with reflectors for about $20 each at your local hardware store, including the cost of bulbs.  I recommend slightly bluish "daylight" bulbs for the sharpest color distinction.

Give your primer plenty of time to dry off before you paint it, or the solvents in the primer may interfere with your paint.

Note that detail is still visible in the models

As we move into winter, I have noticed that below-freezing temperatures can have an effect on the the quality of your sprays; if you must spray in your cold, cold garage, consider keeping your miniatures and sprays in the house, arranging your miniatures inside before spraying (I move my minis around on a rusty cookie sheet I pulled out of recycling), carrying the minis and paints to your garage, spraying in the garage quickly, then bringing everything back in the house.  Keep in mind that your wet minis are still giving off harmful vapors, so bring them to a part of the house far from living quarters, like the basement.

Painting Miniatures 2: Assembling

Because of the casting process, your mini may come in pieces: a dragon may need wings attached, a warrior may need a shield arm attached.  These pieces should be glued together before priming.

Before you play with glue on your nice dinner table (or any table you aren't prepared to toss in the trash), set up something to protect your work surface: I recommend a cheap polyethylene drop cloth, which you can cut to a perfect table-covering size, use several layers, fold it up when you're done, and re-use it almost indefinitely.  Be careful when you use tools, because the drop cloth won't protect your table from sharp objects.

a. Adhesives

There are 2 adhesives I recommend for assembling miniatures: "Hot Stuff" cyanoacrylate glue, and "Green Stuff" epoxy putty.  Both of these materials have very different purposes and are challenging to work with, and I'll go over them separately.

If the miniature parts fit together tightly, use Hot Stuff.  "Hot Stuff" is so named because it can handle high temperatures.  It's a clear cyanoacrylate glue with additives to make it viscous, almost like honey.  Cyanoacrylate is the active ingredient in "Krazy Glue."  It bonds quickly (in about a minute) and it is quite strong, but it can get all over your fingers and STAY all over your fingers for about a week (yes, I've tried nail polish remover).  It claims to fill gaps, but it's not that good at it.  It sticks to metal miniatures eventually, but it takes its sweet time doing it (that's a LONG minute you're holding those tiny parts together), and your parts will likely fall off a couple times before the glue actually sets.  You buy Hot Stuff in tiny 2-ounce bottles, but don't worry; you won't use it all up before it turns solid in the bottle.  Also, the glue tends to turn solid in the nozzle and clog.  Needle nose pliers may help to crush obstructions in the nozzle.  You may be tempted to use actual Krazy Glue or Zap-A-Gap, but Hot Stuff's higher viscosity makes it much easier to work with.  I should also warn you that Hot Stuff (and any cyanoacrylate glue) will give off suspicious and probably toxic fumes as it's curing, so I should recommend you do this in a well-ventilated area, but to be honest I don't do this and right now I'm considering setting up some kind of fan.  Another relevant feature of these cyanoacrylate glues is that they are very penetrating, so wood and cardboard tends to soak it up like concrete soaks up engine oil: leaving a ugly dark stain; you may need to apply glue to the absorbent surface, then wait for that glue to cure before adding more to bond to your miniature.

If the miniature parts don't fit together so well, use Green Stuff epoxy putty.  Epoxy typically consists of a resin and an oxidizer; you mix these compounds together to start a chemical reaction which slowly thickens to form a very solid body.  Accordingly, "Green Stuff" comes in 2 separate blue and yellow putties (usually in side-by-side ribbons), which you squish together to make one green putty.  I say you squish it together, but this squishing process takes several minutes of effort, and you must keep your hands wet constantly when handling this extremely sticky putty.  It is very much like sculpting with chewing gum from Planet Krypton, and when it sets, it is extremely hard and strong.  It has a longer shelf life than Hot Stuff, and it takes longer to set (about an hour), but it has a substantial body to it.  Most miniature scupltors create their works out of Green Stuff, and these initial sculpts are referred to as "Greens" accordingly.  You don't want to use Green Stuff for tight adhesive jobs, because it is the body of the Green Stuff putty that holds the parts together; if the gap is hairline tight, there is very little putty to hold the parts together.  You can find cheap epoxy putty at hardware stores with a colored resin and a whitish paste oxidizer; this may give you good practice for working with Green Stuff, but the hardware store epoxy putty is intended for big jobs and typically has a somewhat granular consistency which does not lend itself to miniature work.  There are other epoxy putties popular with miniatures sculptors, such as "Brown Stuff," but I have not tried it and I therefore cannot advise you regarding its use.

b. Pinning

Sometimes an adhesive is not enough; if the parts are particularly heavy or expected to get rougher treatment, you should consider "pinning" them.  Pinning is an unpleasant chore, but it really works.  It involves slowly and painstakingly drilling a hole through both parts and sliding a metal rod (typically brass or copper) through them, and then using glue to hold everything tight.  The drill is typically a bit with a holder, which you turn manually with your fingertips.  With metal minis, this is painstaking.  With vinyl minis, it's worse: the rubbery vinyl "grabs" the drill bit, so you need to pull the bit out, drill it back in, over and over again.

c. Reshaping

Your miniature may also be bent out of shape.  If your miniature is metal, you can bend it back into shape with your fingers; and if the miniature has a long sword or narrow ankles, you will likely need to bend it back into shape lots and lots of times.  That's just the nature of tin miniatures.  If you want these bendy parts to be less bendy, consider pinning them or (with a spear or a rapier) replacing them entirely with sturdier metal pins (see above).

If your miniature is vinyl and bent out of shape, you have a trickier problem: you must heat the miniature, and hold the miniature in the desired shape until it cools.  Sometimes heating the miniature will cause it to bend into its original shape all on its own; using boiling water when cleaning may help with this.  Many people dip their vinyl miniature into boiling water in order to heat them, then pull the miniature out and bend it into shape.  I tried using a candle to just heat small areas, but I couldn't avoid the burnt-marshmallow effect; the miniature would get soft, then toast and catch fire.  My favorite method is to use a Wagner Heat Tool; this is basically a hair dryer that can get hot enough to melt the paint off your walls.  First (before it gets hot!) I attach the concentrator nozzle, I set the heat tool to about 450 F (which is one of the low settings) , then I only heat up the part I want to adjust, and I pull the heat away when the vinyl gets soft, hold the part into place, and blow on it until it cools.  You can also use a heat-and-adjust technique to slightly realign your miniatures to be easier to paint, or to arrange limbs so that each member of a squad of identical miniatures looks slightly different and thus more naturalistic.

d. Pedestal

Miniatures on working pedestals; a little extra effort saves a lot of frustration

Before you prime your miniature, I really recommend some kind of working pedestal.  This is something which will allow you to move, rotate, pick up, and otherwise "handle" your miniature without actually touching it or its (wet) painted surfaces.  The pedestal should change the center of gravity such that you can tip the miniature at an angle so that you can prime underside and other hard-to-reach areas.

I used to use a loop of packing tape to stick the bottom of my mini to an old CD, but paint and primer tends to pool near the bottom where the mini sits on the tape, and the wide CD makes it difficult to access underside areas.

Close-up of miniatures on pedestals

Many people use poster tack to hold their mini to a pedestal, but I stopped when I discovered my poster tack got loosened by the solvents in the primers and varnishes I use.

Some painters use Krazy Glue to stick their miniature to the head of a nail, and carefully snap the miniature off the nail when they're done.

I have modified this technique; I now use Duco Cement and a drywall screw driven into an old block of scrap wood for stability.  Duco Cement is a toluene-based clear glue (available at most hardware stores) which only barely holds onto my vinyl miniatures, so it is easy to pop the miniature off the top of the screw.  In fact, it's almost too easy to pop off the miniature; I sometimes need to re-glue my vinyl mini to its working pedestal.

Painting Miniatures 1: Cleaning

This is the first in a series of posts about how I paint miniature game pieces for tabletop fantasy roleplaying games.  I expect it will have application to other miniature projects, like airplane models, or scale model train sets.  You probably won't win awards for painting as per my directions, but if you ever wanted to paint a miniature game piece, or if you were ever disappointed by an attempt to paint a scale model, or even if you just wanted to customize a My Little Pony figurine, you may find some of my advice helpful in getting you started, improving your results, or reducing your time requirements.  I invite you to come learn with me.

These are the stages I use in painting miniatures:
1. Cleaning
2. Assembling
3. Priming
4. Painting
5. Washing and Dipping
6. Lacquering

Wow!  That's a lot of stages!  Seems like a lot of tedium just for a little statue.  The trick is to do this in batches, so you aren't cleaning 1 miniature at a time, priming 1 miniature at a time, etc.  I usually do these miniatures a dozen at a time in order to reduce overhead and minimize effort per miniature.

1. Cleaning

a. How was the miniature made?

You have no doubt heard old folks refer to tin soldiers or lead soldiers.  Most toys today are made of plastic, but tin and tin alloys are still used today to cast tiny combatants for fantasy games (ad copy may refer to "white metal alloy," which we can assume is either a tin alloy or something similar).  You may have heard a metal soda can or a steel soup can referred to as a tin can, but tin is actually a genuine element on the periodic table.  It is the main ingredient in pewter, and a major component of bronze and solder.  Tin is heavy with a relatively low melting point, and reasonable corrosion resistance.  Gravity naturally pulls molten tin into the corners and details of a mold, providing highly detailed casted miniatures with low-tech equipment.  Tin is flexible enough to be bent out of molds somewhat without snapping.

Lead and lead alloys have been used for miniatures in the past (no doubt since antiquity) for similar reasons (low melting point, heavy, flexible, cheap), but today most manufacturers have abandoned lead because of the risks of lead exposure, costs of disposal, and because many governmental bodies ban the sale of lead toys.  And good riddance to lead, I say!  I can (literally) breathe easier with less lead in my air.

Miniatures manufacturers are starting to move to cast plastic.  The costs of all metals have increased tremendously over the past decade; it was first noticeable with gold, but tin and copper rapidly tripled.  This was devastating to miniatures hobbyists, as the miniatures industry had to respond by raising prices proportionally or by closing their doors.  Reaper Miniatures has started to modify their sculpts to work with plastic casting techniques and equipment; presently they cast in a white rubbery vinyl material that looks a bit like Ivory Soap, and (because it is lighter than tin) must be forced into molds rather than simply poured.  The flexible vinyl has advantages that more complex regions can be cast and stretched out of molds than can stiffer tin alloys.  The vinyl also melts at even lower temperatures than tin.  Purists may complain, but Reaper's vinyl miniatures retail at a fraction of what comparable metal miniatures cost.

The newest miniature materials on the block come from 3D printers.  I have never worked with 3D printed miniatures, but I plan to soon, and I have researched 3D printing technology.  3D printers exist for numerous materials; typically miniatures are printed in plastics such as acrylic and nylon, because of the detail these materials provide.  The advantage of 3D printing is that your miniature can be completely customized for your needs and theoretically unique.  There is no casting in a traditional sense.  The disadvantage is that 3D printing is expensive and takes a long time, and you must first generate a 3D model data file to feed into the printer.  3D printing continues to evolve, so future 3D printers may provide cheaper, faster, and/or more detailed output.  Also, projects are afoot to create 3D model data files with something of a "paper doll" user interface, such that a user might choose body A with armor B and weapon C in pose D.  As a result, 3D printing may have a more prominent role in the future of miniatures.

b. Manufacture can affect cleaning

If the miniature was cast from a mold, the mold probably had a mold release.  'Mold release' is a general term for whatever you use to keep the liquid casting material from sticking to the mold.

A century ago, this mold release might have been soot on a metal mold.  Modern tin casters might use talcum powder on a silicone mold, which isn't too difficult to remove.  But plastic casters can use a sprayed-on film of oil, which can be a challenge to get off your miniature.

3D printers may leave a powdered form of the model's material on the surface, depending on the technology of that particular 3D printer.  Again, I have not worked with these, personally.

Whatever the case, anything which can affect paint adhesion should be removed, even your own greasy fingerprints.

c. The process

At one time, you might have needed to use a toothbrush to scrub off your metal mini (remember what I said about soot?), but those days are (I hope) gone.

Today, I put my miniatures in a plastic bucket (remember, I do a batch of 12 at a time).  I boil some water.   I pour the boiling water on the miniatures.  I squirt in some grease-cutting dish soap.  I swish it around real well.  I let it sit for a little while, to let the soap do its work.  And then I rinse.  Make sure you rinse ALL the soap off.  Use lots of water, until the suds disappear.  Now strain out the miniatures and dry them.

Pizza Sauce Recipe

Halloween is almost upon us, and that means that it's time to invite over your cool young friends and have a party.  And what young person doesn't like pizza?  It's great party food, because you can carry a slice around (on a plate) as you circulate, and nibble it while you converse.  Even vegans like pizza, if you don't put animal products on it, and you can make sure your pizza is vegan-safe by making it yourself--or even make it interactive, by inviting your guests to pick out their favorite toppings, let the guests arrange the toppings on a sauced pizza crust, and bake the pizza in your oven.

However you decide to throw your pizza party, you need a kick-ass pizza sauce to set a flavor foundation for whatever toppings you (or your guests) arrange.  Sure, you could just buy a sauce out of a jar, but you'll totally miss out if you don't try out this recipe, which you can prepare the day before the party:

Anton's Pizza Sauce

Makes enough sauce for several pizzas.  Requires about an hour of work.

2 T or more olive oil

Vegetables:
1 28-oz. can of tomatoes
2 medium onions (chopped)
7 or more cloves of garlic
1 6-oz can of black olives

Herbs and Spices:
2 T oregano
2 T basil
1 T fennel seeds
1 T mixed Italian-style herbs
1 T paprika
1 tsp ground chipotle

Get a sauce pan with a lid (DO NOT SKIP THE LID).  Put the oil in the sauce pan.  Set it aside, 'cause we're going to do all the hard work with the blender.

Run the vegetables through the blender.  If your blender is like mine, you will need to use the watery tomatoes to help the onions, garlic, and olives flow in the blending chamber.  Otherwise, you will need to stir a lot in the blender to get the unblended vegetables to circulate to where the blades are.  Also, unless you have a 2-quart blender, you will need to blend the vegetables in batches.

Anyway, put the blended vegetables in the sauce pan.  Stir it up gently, to mix the vegetable puree with the olive oil.  The olive oil helps the sauce taste "richer" and serves as a vehicle for the essential oils in the spices.  Maybe it helps keep the sauce from burning on the bottom of the sauce pan.

Put the lid on the sauce pan and turn on the heat.  Bring the sauce to a boil, then let it simmer until the onions no longer taste "sharp."  You will really appreciate that lid, because the thick bubbling sauce will spatter red all over your kitchen if you don't use the lid.  In fact, the bubbling sauce can be so messy, that I recommend you remove the sauce pan from the heat and wait for the bubbling to subside before you check to make sure the onions are cooked.

The cooking process should take enough time for you to set up the herbs and spices.

Anyway, once the onions are cooked, remove from heat, wait for the bubbling to quiet down, and stir in the herbs and spices.  Let the herbs and spices reconstitute and mingle in the sauce pan; I usually let this happen overnight.

Mazes

Ever since I was a kid, playing on my 16KB TI-99/4A, I've loved creating randomly-generated mazes on the computer.  I started with square rooms, then I worked up to triangular rooms, then hexagonal rooms.  It was only recently that I realized a very simple algorithm for solving mazes without recursion.

I present here simple algorithms for creating and solving mazes, with illustrations.  Although presented for square mazes, the algorithms can be adapted to any regularly or even irregularly tiled regions, and 3-D mazes.

Generation Algorithm

We generate this maze using a "random walk" through the maze space, skipping visited locations (rooms).  If/when we get stuck, we look from left-to-right, top-to-bottom (and back) for visited locations with unvisited adjacent locations.

Set up a 2-dimensional array with the dimensions of the desired maze.  Initialize each array element as a cell with no doors.

Here we have visualized an example 5-by-5 array of cells; each cell has no doors.

Pick a random element in the array.

Step A. Examine each adjacent location; if the adjacent location has no doors, add it to a list of potential new locations.

Choose a random new location from the list.

Add a door from the current location to the new location, and vice versa.

Move to the new location.

Return to Step A.

If the list of potential new locations is empty, we are in a "dead end."

Choose a new location, moving left to right, top to bottom, and repeating at the top.  Skip any unvisited locations.  Return to Step A.

When all the locations in the array are visited, we are done.

Solution algorithm

The resulting maze has a dendrite topology.  If we set the start and end locations of the maze to have doors leading outside the array, we can solve the maze by repeatedly eliminating all "dead ends" (locations with only one door) from the array.

First, set the start and end locations to have doors leading outside the array.

Step B.  Moving from left-to-right, top-to-bottom, find a dead end.

Step C.  Seal the one door from the dead end.  The dead end leads to only one location; seal the corresponding door in that location, and move to that location.

Repeat Step C until we are no longer in a dead end.

Return to Step B.  If we cannot find a dead end, we are done, and the entire maze is reduced to a single path from the start to end locations.

Microsoft Buys MineCraft; Long Live Voxelands!

In other Microsoft news, Microsoft has purchased MineCraft.  Technically, they bought the company that makes MineCraft, including MineCraft as part of the deal.

I can't run MineCraft on my computer; I discovered this when I tried to run the free MineCraft Classic application.  Unfortunately, MineCraft is written in Java, an interpreted bytecode language which brings my 2GHz 64-bit computer to its knees.

What is MineCraft?

MineCraft is basically "blocks" on the computer.  Remember when you were a kid, and you would get your wooden blocks (or plastic bricks) out and build structures out of them, like little houses and buildings, with little roads for your toy cars?  Maybe you would integrate other toys, like plastic army men or farm animals or dinosaurs to knock the buildings over.  And then your mom made you put your blocks away, because it was time for dinner.

MineCraft is like that, except you don't need to put the blocks away.  You shut down your computer, but all of your blocks and structures are where you left them when you come back.  Also, you don't just build little houses you view from above, you build full-scale houses you can inhabit, because the blocks are all 1-yard cubes.

Of course, your house can be as big as you want it to be.  You are not constrained by how many blocks you can fit in your toybox, or even how many you can purchase, because they are all virtual.  If you want more blocks, you can dig them out of the (virtual) ground.

The variety of blocks is wider, too.  In the desert or beach, you find blocks of sand.  In the plains, blocks of dirt.  In the forest, blocks of wood.  Underground, blocks of stone.  Take blocks of sand, heat them in a furnace, and you have blocks of glass for windows.  And there are metals, minerals, fluids, animals, and even monsters; creating an interactive environment.

For architects, the ability to walk through a building without actually constructing the thing out of wood and concrete is new; 40 years ago it couldn't be done.  30 years ago it was very, very expensive and time-consuming.  Today, little children are doing this for fun, on Mom's smartphone while killing time at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

MineCraft Stems from Infiniminer

The game MineCraft actually was inspired by an earlier game called Infiniminer, which had explicit objectives along the lines of competing teams of miners.  But the creator of MineCraft had plenty of fun just mining and building, as we all did when we played with blocks as kids, and MineCraft is the result.

The touchstone of InfiniMiner has inspired numerous other games very much like MineCraft, such as MineTest.

MineTest

MineTest is written in C++ and compiled into machine code.  As a result, it runs more efficiently than MineCraft, and can be played on older, slower computers than MineCraft can.  Play is very much like MineCraft, except that MineTest caters to the Do It Yourself hobbyist crowd and allows casual programmers to add fundamental features to the game world via "mods" (software patches which "modify" the game world).  As such, the basic MineTest game is much simpler than the feature-rich MineCraft experience.

Voxelands

Voxelands stems from an early branch of MineTest.  It is also compiled from C++ source code, and is similarly efficient.  Unlike MineTest, Voxelands is intended as a more monolithic game, instead of a framework for modification.

The name may be confusing to some.  A "voxel" is a 3-D "volume pixel:" whereas a pixel is a "picture element," or a single irreducible dot from an image; a voxel is a single irreducible unit of volume, typically a cube.  Thus, "Voxelands" refers to lands made of voxels.  This name is accurate, as these virtual worlds are all largely composed of voxels.

As of this writing, the latest release of Voxelands is version 1409, and it is entirely playable.  Version 1410 has not yet released, but promises to include various animals such as deer, wolves, and sharks.

It's Free

Unlike MineCraft, both MineTest and Voxelands are free and open source.  If you are curious about the amazingly popular and largely nonviolent gameplay of MineCraft, or you want to find out what this thing is your kids are spending their time on, but you don't want to risk your hard-earned money on it, I encourage you to give Voxelands a try.  You have nothing to lose but your nostalgia for playing with blocks, and you have entire (virtual) worlds to gain.

What Customers Want from Windows 10

By now, you may have heard that Microsoft has announced Windows 10.  Gosh, it seems like Windows 8 came out only 2 years ago.  What happened to 9?  I thought they were avoiding association with Ed Wood's "Plan 9 From Outer Space."  Someone opined that they needed to skip a number to basically get away from the stink of Windows 8.  But in fact, Microsoft is skipping 9 because they fear programs written by lazy programmers will find the string "Windows 9" and assume your new 4 GHz 64-bit 8-core PC is running "Windows 95" or "Windows 98."

The fear of connection with Windows 8 is plausible.  Windows 8 may be one of the most unpopular Windows releases ever; it's even less popular than Windows Vista was on their respective timelines.  Market share numbers suggest that users are buying Windows 8, using it, then uninstalling it after they can't 'get used to it.'  Why is Windows 8 so unpopular?  Didn't the press say it was wonderful?  Aren't there ads on TV showing potential customers how users are literally dancing with joy over Windows 8?

Apparently Microsoft people were shocked that users don't like Windows 8.  Presumably they use this OS quite a lot in-house.  Maybe these people are paid to like it.  I am willing to believe the people at Microsoft are smart--smarter than I am--and perhaps they are able to adapt to a UI that's a pain in the butt for most people.  Perhaps they know special "cheat codes" and settings to make Windows 8 more tolerable.  Or maybe the smart people at Microsoft are all like poor Doctor Frankenstein, unable to control the corrupted monster they created, only to watch in horror as users tear it apart and burn it with pitchforks and torches.

How much do users prefer Windows XP?  Windows XP was released in 2001; Windows Vista came out and flopped, and users overwhelmingly stayed with Windows XP.  Windows 7 (which can be made to look and act very much like Windows XP) came out in 2009, and users still stayed with Windows XP for 3 years before Windows 7 barely eclipsed Windows XP's market share in 2012.  At this point, Windows XP was 11 years old.

11 years is a long time in the world of computers.  The 8-bit Apple II was only 7 years old when Apple released the groundbreaking 32-bit Macintosh.  The 8088-based IBM PC was only 4 years old when IBM released its 80286-based PC AT.  The original Microsoft Windows 1.0 was released in 1985, and Microsoft Windows was largely a waste of time until 1995, when Microsoft released Windows 4.0, popularly known as Windows 95--a long time, but still only a 10 year span.  But Windows XP has been going strong for 11 years.  Microsoft gave up on it in April, but it's still popular now.

Why?  There are many good reasons so many people have not switched from Windows XP, and the price tag is low on the list (otherwise, the free Linux OS would have better than a 2% market share).

My experience with Windows 8.1 has been like a school bullying; I want to do something legitimate, and suddenly my taskbar screen has been replaced with the active panel display.  Or some other display I don't recognize.  Suddenly my textbooks are smacked out of my hands.  'Hey, nerd!  We changed the rules on you!  Looks like you're gonna have to find a new way to walk to school!'

Windows 8 apologists might be quick to tell me that if I don't want to use it, I don't have to use it.  More and more users are responding to this by not using it, and dumping Windows 8.  Unfortunately many cubicle-dwellers are not given the option of what OS they want to use: their employers provide them with computers, and the employees can either put up with them or quit.  If these employees had actual people upending their workspaces, they could lodge a workplace harassment lawsuit.  But unfortunately, the problem is the equipment they're required to use.  Granted, it's not like losing an arm in an industrial accident; but if it's disruptive, hinders their ability to work, and makes them less productive, it's analogous to harassment.

With Windows 10, Microsoft has promised us the opportunity to provide feedback on their OS.  Although this seems like a nice gesture, it sounds like another annoyance in my life; like taking a survey over the phone, or filling out a form to submit an opinion, or registering software I've paid good money for.  Who has the patience?  And unless I get some indicator that changes I've suggested have been implemented, how can I be sure my time hasn't been wasted?  How can I be sure that the people I'm giving feedback to are even paying attention?

I use Windows at home and I use Windows at work, all day long.  I have used Windows for decades.  I could go on about my qualifications, but for now I will ask you to please accept that I am something of a Windows expert.

Most desktop users don't want flashy distractions like Vista's transparent 3D windows or Windows 8's active panels.

In contrast, video game console users want sizzle.  If you want to make a flashy user interface, put it on the XBox.  Put it in applications where users like some excitment, like a shoot-'em-up game or music-mixing DJ software.  Put it on a smart phone.  And leave it there.

But please don't make my workday operations a regular hassle.

Microsoft, with your next desktop OS release, please try to embrace the gentle virtues of simplicity.  Please support the latest hardware, fix notorious problems, and feel free to implement whatever internal OS improvements you want; but give your customers back their familiar, comfortable, clean Windows XP user interface.

Sweet & Sauerkraut

Looking for something festive to do between Labor Day and Halloween?  Why not try a holiday Germans have been enjoying for (two) centuries: Oktoberfest!

Yes, it's an excuse to drink beer like you do already, but it's also an opportunity to cook and eat... sauerkraut!

No, wait!  Come back!  As a prepared dish, sauerkraut is much more than just the shredded stuff you dump out of the jar and heat up.  No, that would be like boiling lasagna noodles, pouring them in a bowl, and calling them lasagna.  The sauerkraut in the jar is only the foundation for a swell casserole-like dish.

You need to accept that sauerkraut is sour and salty, and add ingredients to round it out with all the flavors the mouth can enjoy, for a complete dining experience.  Some people add wine to their sauerkraut, some people add sugar, but I use apples, which are awesome, healthy, high in fiber, and contribute to the autumnal theme.

Here is my recipe:
Serves: 4 hungry people, probably more
Time: About an hour

Ingredients (in order of appearance):
cooking oil
4 sweet apples, chopped (maybe more), and you can leave the skins on
2 medium onions, chopped
chopped bacon, or other pork product like sausages (if you're not vegetarian)
apple cider or water, as needed
vegetarian sausages (if you are vegetarian), maybe cut into short sections
1 32-oz. jar of Sauerkraut
1 T caraway seeds (if your wife will let you)
1 T peppercorns (if your wife will let you)
1 T dill
1 T paprika (sweet and/or spicy)

Directions:
First, get a big pot.  Put some cooking oil in it; I like to use olive oil.

Okay, the only hard parts about this are chopping up the apples and onions.  You chop those up, throw them in the pot, crank up the heat, and wait for the apples and onions to basically go mushy.  Stir occasionally to make sure your apples don't stick to the bottom of the pot and burn.  Add some apple cider (if you want your dish sweeter) or water as necessary to keep your stuff from sticking, but try not to make soup.  Add your bacon or other pork at this stage, if you're using them; they're just for flavoring the overall dish.

You've got some time, now.  Stir the pot occasionally to prevent burning and sticking, but take this moment to chat with your friends in the kitchen over drinks.  Kiss your spouse.  Maybe prepare a side dish (see below).

When the apples are nice and mushy, they should be releasing their yummy sugars into the pot, and we can add the sauerkraut.  Yes, do it.  Unleash the sauerkraut!  Mix it up!  Add your vegetarian sausages if you have them.  If you have really expensive refrigerated sauerkraut, you can take some time to let the sauerkraut cook.  If you got the regular shelf kind, it's already cooked, and we're just letting the flavors mingle so the sweet apples and savory onions blend with the sour and salty sauerkraut.

This is also a good time to mix in the caraway seeds and peppercorns; these seeds are pretty solid, and they will need some time to let the warm liquid in the pot draw out their spicy essential oils.

Stir occasionally to prevent sticking and facilitate flavor mixing.

During the last few minutes of cooking, mix in the dill and paprika.  These shouldn't need too much time to mingle or cook.

And once the dill and paprika reconstitute and the flavors mingle, it's ready to serve.

You can pair this with beer or cider (sweet or hard).  If you want to add a starch as a side dish, consider soft pretzels (popular at Oktoberfest), cheesy spaetzle (a swiss cheese-and-egg noodle casserole), or salted boiled potatoes.

In closing, have a great Oktoberfest meal, and enjoy showing all your friends a great new way to enjoy this wholesome and healthy food.

Keyboard manufacturer forgot to cross a T

At work, I use a Dell L100 keyboard.  It has nice tactile feedback, and I always know where the Enter key is.  For my home, I wanted something just like it, but Dell (foolishly) doesn't seem to sell the L100.  I tried another keyboard; I soon discovered that the function keys are uncomfortably small, and the Enter key is too far away to use comfortably.

I went to the computer store and I discovered a keyboard by Vivitar which looked more comfortabe, with full-size keys and deeper key travel.  The Enter key seems to be in the right place.  I touch-typed on it with no problems.

And then I looked at it closely, and I discovered that the T was missing!  Accidentally replaced by another letter!  I asked myself how this could happen; but mostly I had to qwery: y?

I exchanged the keyboard two days later for an identical unit, except this one has a T key.  The guy at the store was very sympathetic ("I thought I was buying a 'QWERTY' keyboard, but instead..." I explained).  Always keep the receipt and packing materials!

Kids today have way better toys

One Christmas in the 1980s when I was growing up, my parents brought home an amazing gift: a Texas Instruments TI-99/4A home computer.  This computer had a built-in keyboard and a cartridge slot for software (mostly games); you could write programs in BASIC, and save these programs and data to tape with a household cassette recorder.  For a display, you could screw some connectors down to the back of your family's color TV set.  It came with all of 16K of memory (enough to hold over 100 tweets! or several emoji! or almost 4 copies of this essay!).

I learned to program with it, figuring out basics of animation, sound, and numerical computation.  I played a lot of charming arcade-style games on it.  We hooked up a printer, and we found a painful text editor to use with it; if only we had something as capable as Windows Notepad!

There are lots of bad things I could say about the TI-99/4A, and I loved the thing.  My family moved on to other computers, but I still love the idea of a cheap computer you could plug into the family TV.

Today, there are several cheap small computers originally designed for education, but which have been adopted by numerous hobbyists and hackers.  I'm most inspired by the Raspberry Pi, which has wide support.  This fanless single-board computer is about as big as a deck of cards, built around a smart phone CPU, and typically does not even come with a case, power supply, storage (a flash memory card), or keyboard.  The computer itself costs about $35; but add on that other stuff and it comes to about $70.  You can buy a monitor for it at about $100, or (wait for it...) you can hook it up to the family TV (yes!).  And you can download a full 32-bit windowed OS (some form of Linux) and lots of other software for FREE!  Forget BASIC; with this, you can program in C, Java, Perl, and Python!

It sounds great, right?  I mean, I'm sure it is great.  But I don't have one.  It's been observed that Linux is not free-as-in-free-beer, but free-as-in-free-puppies: yes, the price tag is low, but the time required is high.  If this thing takes me more than 2 hours to fiddle with (with no end in sight), I'm worried that I will have to abandon it, and it will sit in a box of wires and gather dust, like my many other projects I started and then gave up on.  My budget is too limited for that, I don't have that much spare time, and I'm at the age where I don't know if I can handle the prospect of another failed hobby haunting me.  Ideally I'd like to hire a 14-year-old (someone I could pay in CD money, or Pokemon money, or whatever kids spend money on now, as long as it's not drugs) to do the purchasing, downloading, configuring, and testing of this thing, and then I could just hook it up and switch it on when I want to play an MP3 through my stereo, or a YouTube video on my TV.

Well, I don't have kids of my own; that's poor planning on my part.  A neighbor just had a baby, but even with the great parenting I'm sure it will receive, I suspect it will be more than a decade before I can expect Linux skills out of it.  I might have seen flyers for baby sitters at the coffee shop, but I definitely never saw any for system administrators.  Also, I'm concerned about possibly violating the child labor laws.

What I really want is to give this thing to myself back in the 1980s.  And that's the real tragedy of the fact that kids today have way better toys: I have the money to buy the toys, but I can't play with them like I used to.  Because that's all I'd really be doing with this gadget: playing with it, just like I used to play with that 16K home computer, experimenting with BASIC code for hours and hours.  I work and I exercise and I try to create art (if this blog can be considered art), and if I have a spare hour today, I'd much rather spend it as quality time with my family than twiddling bits all alone.  Would I be wasting my life, wasting what little youth I have left if I did anything else?

What I Learned at GenCon

I went to GenCon this year, for the first time ever.

GenCon started in 1967 in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, in the basement of Dungeons & Dragons co-creator Gary Gygax ("Gen Con" refers to Lake Gen-eva Convention, and is a joke referring to the Geneva Conventions regarding warfare).  I suspect that first GenCon was all about miniatures wargames.  Dungeons & Dragons started around 1975, and as Dungeons & Dragons exploded, GenCon required more space, moving to Milwaukee, Wisconsin; and currently is held in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Today, GenCon is like an amusement park for people who like games, including role-playing, tabletop, miniature, and video games.  Like Disney World, there are long lines, junk food, attractions, and people dressed up like cartoon characters.  Unlike Disney World, the target market is adults, and the attractions are not (usually) rides, but are instead opportunities to play games and visit exhibitor booths, authors, artists, watch movies, and other events.

This year, GenCon activities spanned from August 13th to August 17th. The weather was pleasantly but unseasonably cool for mid-August: in the mid-70s, with only a little rain.

GenCon was awesome, and I hope to go again.  And I learned a lot:

Health is my most valuable asset

I actually did all right in this department: I didn't get sick.  But I can imagine how much I would miss out if I DID get sick.  I took vitamins every day, and I didn't need the headache pills, Pepto, antihistamines, or anything else I carried.  I didn't fly, though; I often get sick when I fly to visit my folks, and I suspect I often get infected on the plane ride.

Don't drive for 10 hours to GenCon

I can't stay focused and perfectly alert for 10 hours of straight driving; I went through 60 oz. of energy drinks on the return trip.  I looked into Amtrak: the prices are high and the times are painful.  Wisconsin Governor Walker's opposition to high-speed rail puts a golden spike through the heart of a fast rail option.  So next time, I'm flying.

Hotels in town are worth it

I spent at least $20 per day on parking.  If I could walk to the convention, it would solve a lot of problems: I'd save some time, I'd get some exercise, and I wouldn't need a car.  There were free shuttles from some outlying hotels, but these hotels took about an hour of valuable morning time to get from my hotel to the convention; so I just drove to the convention every day.

Research parking ahead of time

If you do drive to the convention, resolve your parking needs ahead of time, because the parking fills up fast: http://www.indyparking.com/p/indiana-convention-center.html

Pack Light

You don't need a full sketchbook, or a full 100-page notebook, or more than 3 pencils; you won't fill or use them all up.  You probably won't need any RPG books or miniatures.  A single set of dice are good.  A Sharpie fine-tip marker and some index cards are helpful.

Get a good pack

Having said that, you will need to carry around SOME stuff, and you will need capacity to comfortably carry away swag and games you purchase.  I got a new padded nylon book bag with side pockets for water bottles and I am very glad I had it.

Food is problematic

My hotel had a cheap breakfast buffet which was uninspiring, but saved me a lot of valuable morning time; I had hot eggs and warm biscuits as soon as I walked in, and how much excitement do you really need out of your breakfast?

I expect other meals to be more interesting, and those other meals are not so easy to manage.  There were long lines for everything, including the tempting food trucks.  I am a vegetarian, and vegetarian options were hard to come by.

Downtown Indianapolis restaurants were disappointing, because they were almost all chains, and almost all of them exist in my hometown.

I really liked the Munchkin Tavern (sweet potato fries!), but my wife was not so fond of it, so we didn't get to eat there again.

If you are familiar with Indianapolis and you know of really great places in town that I need to experience, please don't (just) call me nasty names; please tell me about these great locations and how to get there.

GenCon will become your world for the duration

I'm spoiled by the cultural and economic diversity of my hometown metropolis.  I'm sure Indianapolis is way cooler than lots of small towns in America, but from what I can tell, there is only 1 co-op in Indianapolis and only 1 art supply store.  I told you about the restaurant situation.  The city didn't really have anything that competed with GenCon or my hometown, so when I wasn't sleeping I pretty much stayed at the Convention Center.

Again, if I'm missing something, please write.

Take more notes

Not at the gaming table; I'm talking about little notes on a pocket notepad.  I have easily forgotten half of what I saw and experienced.  One valuable note to write down: where, exactly, did I park in the parking garage?  And what's the address of that parking garage?

Gamers aren't as stinky as I'd heard

I've played RPGs in the hometown alongside players who needed showers and a fresh change of clothes; some of these people have issues and live in halfway houses.  As a tubby hirsute fellow, I am sensitive to the fact that I am not always daisy-fresh.  I therefore showered every day before bed and after waking.  I brought antiperspirant and a spare T-shirt every day in case my old one got stinky and/or gross, but either I didn't need them, or nobody felt confident enough to tell me I needed them.  And I didn't notice any other stinky players, either.  Really, everyone I met there was pretty laid-back and really nice.  Bear in mind that it was also a very cool weekend for August, and the Convention Center has excellent air conditioning.

It's time for me to get a smart phone

My old Nokia dumb phone is slowing my ability to text, and my sister was ONLY communicating in person or by text, making it difficult to meet up spontaneously.  If I want to take a photo, hauling out the Canon is cumbersome.  And then there's the bulk of carrying all these gadgets on my (already wide) midsection.  It's time for me to seriously look at getting a smart phone, hopefully one which can take photos of small objects.  GPS wouldn't hurt, either.  Maybe an app with some way to find dinner at a decent sit-down restaurant.

Paizo booth needs to be an event

I wanted to visit the Paizo booth in the exhibitor hall.  Unfortunately, the Paizo booth in the exhibitor hall always had a long line, and I always had lots of other things to do with my time.  I would gladly pay a small amount of money to get a ticket guaranteeing me access to the Paizo booth at a specified time.  If customers balk at the price of admission, the ticket could be used as a coupon to get a discount on purchased merchandise.

Take the Exhibitor hall in small doses

The Exhibitor hall is a kaleidoscopic bazaar of brightly-colored objects and fascinating concepts and people who want your hard-earned money; I immediately became stressed, then jaded by the booths presented.  Fortunately, the aisles in the hall are clearly numbered; take in the Exhibitor hall a small number of aisles at a time, write down the aisle number, then come back hours later.  If you're a little tired of the place, don't say: 'just a few more aisles,' because it all becomes an unmemorable blur and you could miss out on something good.

I have a big example of this effect; please bear with me for some setup: I have been a big fan of Scott Kurtz and his wonderful comics and stories for over a decade.  Lisa asked me about the people wearing fezzes, and I explained that Mr. Kurtz popularized the gaming fez through his daily webcomic, PVP.  An hour later, I'm trudging through the sensory maelstrom that is the Exhibitor Hall, and I'm jaded and low on sleep.  I see Mr. Kurtz sitting in a booth, amicably chatting with his associates in the booth.  I immediately recognize Mr. Kurtz, I point him out to my wife as the man who popularized the gaming fez, but I do not have the presence of mind to greet the man and thank him for all the awesome comics over the years.  I totally blew it!  I hope Mr. Kurtz comes to future GenCons, and that I have another chance to see him and find out what he will be up to.  Scott Kurtz has complained about catching colds at these conventions, so it is entirely possible that he might decide to skip future GenCons, and this would compound the loss of this missed opportunity.

If Scott Kurtz is reading this, thanks for all the great comics, sorry I missed you, and relax: I DON'T want to physically touch you or get germs on you or stalk you or anything.

Get the free GenCon program, coupon book, and shoulder bag early

I had already looked at a map of the Exhibition Hall, with booths I wanted to visit circled.  I visited those booths, and then I got the coupon book; a lot of the coupons were for free stuff in the exhibition hall,  My wife and I love free stuff!  I suddenly realized I would need to re-tour the entire Exhibition Hall.  That didn't happen.

I found Carmen Sandiego

I saw a lovely woman in a matching scarlet trenchcoat and fedora walking by, and I joked with my wife: "THERE in the world is Carmen Sandiego!"  The lovely woman in scarlet stopped and quizzed me and the wife on geography; we answered her questions correctly and we each won a swell Carmen Sandiego sticker.  She was very charming!  I have never played a Carmen Sandiego game, not counting that impromptu experience.

Schedule for more sleep and more travel time in between events

I had scheduled events from 8AM to Midnight, at which point I'd somehow avoid getting lost, pile into the car, drive to the hotel, shower, crash around 1AM, roll out of bed at 6AM(ish), shower, shovel breakfast into my maw, drive into and navigate downtown, park, dash to the convention center, and show up late and cranky for the first event.  There was virtually no downtime to process or plan my day.  Repeat this 3 days in a row, and I was a coffee-fueled jerk.  If I'd had more sleep, I'd be calmer, I'd enjoy myself more, and I'd live in the moment more.

If that were not enough, GenCon is so huge that events have spilled out of the Convention Center and into nearby hotels.  If your next event is in one of those hotels, you might become the biggest jerk at GenCon when you show up late and in a foul mood, like I did (sorry about that!).  If I'd scheduled an hour in between each event, I could finish up my previous game and still have plenty of time to walk the 2 blocks to the hotel for the next event, and I'd be in good spirits.

Take an extra day or two

I arrived late on Wednesday, exhausted after the drive in and skipped Sunday so I could drive out.  I wish I could have spent those days participating in GenCon activities, and skipped 2 days of work.

I experienced a lot

Neither my wife nor I had ever played a miniatures wargame, but the small cost of a GenCon event ticket allowed us to quickly play a miniatures wargame that would easily cost hundreds of dollars for metal miniatures and cost hours and hours of painting, rule preparation, and so forth.  We played lots of swell games which were not yet avaiable in stores, like Grow Garden Grow, D&D Next, and other RPG systems.  We also played lots of swell games which we really liked and we now play at home, like Flapjacks and Sasquatches and Ascension.  These were great experiences that expanded our lives, and I am so glad I was able to share these with my wonderful wife.

I missed a lot

I also missed out on many cool GenCon-only activities, like the film festival, music events, and True Dungeon.  I've played Pathfinder Society at my friendly local gaming store, but it might have been nice to experience Pathfinder Society in the big room they set up.

There's always next year

My wife wants to go again.  I initially wanted to do this as a "bucket list" item, but it might turn into an annual event.

Drawstring Bags

I don't just draw and write; I also like to sew on occasion.  I made these dice bags for family members I would meet at GenCon.

The first dice bag is navy poly fabric with a satiny finish and holographic glitter apparently glued onto the fabric; I was going for a "night sky" theme.  The interior is satin taffeta, in kind of an ocean blue.  The cord is 550 paracord, with a turk's head knot, in a gray "urban camo" pattern which is evocative of clouds or perhaps the moon.  The bag has a square bottom, so it should be able to stand upright and allow for easier retrieval of dice.  This is for a gentleman with a history of seamanship; I wanted something which conveys respect, but not stodginess.

The next dice bag is a violet poly satin fabric with pink glitter apparently glued onto the fabric; the interior is pink satin taffeta.  The cord is also 550 paracord with a turk's head knot, in a pink and magenta "candy snake" pattern.  This is for a lady who loves to fish and who loves the color violet; I was also inspired by a 7-lb. Skipjack Tuna I caught, which looked kind of violet when I was holding it.  The bag does not have a square bottom, but I truncated the interior such that small objects won't fall into the corners of the tail.

This last dice bag is an iridescent green poly satin fabric; the interior is pink satin taffeta.  This bag has a square bottom, like the "night sky" bag above.  This is for a lady who associates with a frog motif, so I tried to make it look like a frog, with flipper feet, bulging googly eyes, and a long tongue.  The cord is also 550 paracord with a turk's head knot, in a bright yellow and green "gecko" pattern.

As the photos indicate, these bags can all accommodate the small essentials of gaming, including dice, a standard-size deck of cards, a 12-ounce can of Mountain Dew, and even a full-size pencil (though it sticks out a bit).

Dice by Chessex.  General's Semi-Hex Pencil by General Pencil Company.  Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Master's Guide by TSR.