I found several newspaper clippings from some city I've never heard of called Ultropolis with actual superheroes! Here are some prominent headlines:
DOCTOR WEDGIE PARALYZES CITY
Mad scientist uses ray to put undies in a bunch
EVIL DOCTOR WEDGIE DEFEATED BY CAPTAIN COMMANDO
Hero somehow unaffected by villain's devices
CAPTAIN COMMANDO TO POLICE: I DON'T NEED DEBRIEFING
Commando refuses to meet with law enforcement
POLICE CHIEF CALLS CAPTAIN COMMANDO "LOOSE CANNON"
Warns Commando may not get needed support
BLISTERING ATTACK BY HOT COFFEE SPILL VILLAIN
First degree burns have city seeing red
CAPTAIN COMMANDO LOSES BATTLE WITH HOT COFFEE SPILL
Hero vulnerable to villain's painful powers
CAPTAIN COMMANDO MOPS FLOOR WITH HOT COFFEE SPILL
Hero adds poncho to utility belt
CRIME QUEEN CHAFING DISH RUBS TOWN WRONG WAY
Femme Fatale creates painful friction
CAPTAIN COMMANDO INCAPACITATED BY CHAFING DISH
Veteran crimefighter nearly loses skin in battle
CHAFING DISH ARRESTED; WORN OUT BY SPEEDY HEROINE "THE STREAK"
Super fast lady runs circles around irritating villain
COMMANDO BLASTS STREAK FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY
Heroine seems to fight crime without clothes
STREAK BEATS PANTS OFF COMMANDO IN FEUD
Streak moves too fast to be seen clearly
STREAK, COMMANDO RECONCILE; STREAK LEAVES TOWN
Police Chief regrets departure but happy to watch her go
