Monday, June 23, 2014

I Lost the GenCon 2014 Beer Naming Contest

I submitted my 3 entries for the naming contest for the official GenCon 2014 beer.  They were all rejected.  If you like any of these, please feel free to use them to name or even inspire a D&D-themed libation of your own creation.

Gygaxoline
"Set your campaign on fire with Gygaxoline!"  The late Gary Gygax was one of the creators of Dungeons & Dragons.  Gasoline is a volatile and explosive petrochemical fuel.

Tanglebutt 
"Sticks your ass to your chair."  D&D describes an alchemical device called a Tanglefoot Bag, which is basically a water baloon full of super glue; you throw it at a monster's feet, and they're stuck to the floor until they can break free.  In real life, I have experienced frozen drinks which got me so drunk I almost couldn't stand.

Endure Light Wounds
Cure Light Wounds is a popular D&D spell which heals a small amount of injury.  In contrast, quaffing an alcoholic beverage won't repair an injury, but the ensuing inebriation might make it less unpleasant.

Mana Up
A beer that recovers your magical abilities.

Suds Up or Shuts Up
I imagine this to be a beer popular with Goblins, who bully each other and don't speak human languages very well.

Orc Torque
Torque refers to rotational force, like a turning or twisting motion.  It could refer to adjusting the attitude of a grouchy Orc via alcohol.  It could refer to the twisting motion required to remove the cap or cork from the bottle.  It could refer to violent twisting done to an Orc in melee combat, thereby rendering them inoperable; large amounts of alcohol might also render someone inoperable.

Pour Initiative!
In D&D combat, who goes first is determined by a modified dice roll referred to as 'Initiative.'  The game referee will call out: 'roll initiative,' and the highest number goes first, and then the second highest, and so on.  The call 'roll initiative' takes on an ominous tone, because it means that diplomacy has failed and people are about to get hurt.  Of course, initiative can also refer to an inspiration to do something one ordinarily might not do, and alcohol has a tendency to lower the inhibitions of the imbiber such that they do things they ordinarily might not do.

Paladin Palliative
Paladins are the goody-two-shoes knights in shining armor of D&D; their religious fervor also makes them pains in the ass for characters with more relaxed ethical or moral standards; imagine hanging out with strict nun warriors all the time.  A palliative is something which makes something less severe.  Maybe this beverage could mellow out a paladin, or maybe a paladin's companions must drink this beverage in order to tolerate the paladin's presence.

Gnome Gnip
Gnomes are magical people gnown to enjoy adult beverages.  But maybe this name would be better suited to a sweet, magical liqeur.

Brinemaiden Brew
'Brinemaiden' here is a portmanteau of 'Rhinemaiden' and 'Brine,' and it basically refers to mermaids.  Guys love mermaids.  Guys love beer.  What if the mermaids actually made and offered beer?  It might actually taste a little salty, like alcoholic Gatorade!  Put a pretty, smiling mermaid on the bottle!  Somebody start brewing this so I can drink some!

Shire Mire
The Shire is where the Hobbits lived in those Tolkien books, and I imagine it to be muddy.  Also, Hobbits liked to enjoy the sensual pleasures of food and drink.  I imagine this to be a particularly dark beer.

No comments:

Post a Comment